Thursday, March 02, 2006


This is a Japanese proverb to describe the schizophrenic weather that always accompanies the month of March. It reads 'san kan shi on' meaning 'three days cold, four days warm'. And that's more or less what you get in March.

At the end of February, the uninitiated could be forgiven for thinking that winter was all over bar the shouting. It was getting milder. Breath inside the house wasn't quiten as visible as it had been. The fridge was actually clicking on. And then today, we wake up to... snow. At least on the mountains. I gather from the mountain men that Mother Nature did indeed crap more of the fluffy stuff all over them last night. Seeing as how this is my third winter over here, I am accustomed to suck fickle behaviour. It'll be over soon. Then... HANAMI!

I feel like I am a resevoir of untapped energy today. I am feeling... pent up. I am feeling... ready for action. Ready for a change. Something new. A new country. New challenges. I am sitting at my desk, and I feel like I am stagnating. I am so over being an ALT. I am not over living in this town, or living with these people. But I am over this country. I can't explain this in any eloquent way.

I want to do something. I want to interact with people face-to-face. I have become a web chat monkey. And it's fun. It passes the time. But I yearn for something a bit more than that! Web chat is evil. It is addictive. It's easier to be honest when you are hiding behind a computer screen. That's no way for human civilisation to be.

I wonder why it is that people need alcohol, or a computer screen before they feel comfortable being honest. Maybe that's too much of a sweeping statement. I know people who are perfectly relaxed with revealing thoughts and feelings without either of these aides. Personally, it depends on who I am with. If I see someone else ill at ease with revelations, then I don't go in for it. If someone opens up to me easily, then I guess I do too. I am rambling. I think this is probably the same for most people. See, this is what I am now. I have thoughts that turn out to be nothing new, nothing original. I am becoming stale. My mind is not sharp enough. Aaaargh. I hate to be bored. And I know that I have the resources right here to not be bored. But idleness breeds idleness. I want to go home tonight and clean my house. In reality, I will go home, wash the dishes, perhaps make an attempt to organise a cupboard, and then I will sit and watch some mindless DVD, or something. Not because I am lazy. But because I am exhausted from doing nothing.

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