When I arrived in Japan, my head was so totally fried after my honours years in Uni that I simply could not read anything for about a year. Pretty bad for someone who had previously lived for books. As time went by, I was able to choke down 'Memoirs of a Geisha', 'Harry Potter', and the wonderful '100 Years of Solitude', plus a few non-fiction titles, but my capacity to concentrate on a book was fairly diminished. Besides which, my life over there was so crazy-busy that I often didn't have the time or energy to read. My life WAS a novel!
But having arrived home, I have found to my total joy that my passion for reading fiction has returned. I've read about four books since coming home, two of them fiction, and I am overjoyed. Right now I'm reading something distinctly trashy and Bridget Jones-eque, but far less annoying. Not exactely brain food, but enjoyable nonetheless. Joe, stop that tutting, you literary snob.
My dream job is still proving elusive, sadly. I was actually offered a job this week, but turned it down. Maybe that constitutes looking the gift horse in the mouth, or cutting off my nose to spite (despite?) my face or something, but it was part-time, didn't sound like a really great job, and wasn't really something I saw myself getting passionate about. So I said no. The hunt continues, with four applications handed in yesterday for various shops in the city centre. Yes shops. Not career jobs, those things take the longest time to apply for that I really need something meantime to give me some money.
I have discovered that the central mosque in Edinburgh serves kick-ass food at lunchtime. I went with friend Alice the other day, and for £4.10, got a massive plate of rice, mild chicken curry, curried vegetables and can of soda. Delicious, and if I was a student, I'd be there every day (it's located right behind George Square, the main Uni campus).
I am going into town with mum and dad tomorrow, for dad is taking us to lunch at my favourite pub, the Bailie. The Bailie is not funky. It is not new. It is not The Place to go. It's dark, with red walls, used to be wonderfully smoky (pre ban era), and a fair lot of over 30s go there. it's in a basement, and in winter, I just love curling up there for an afternoon with friends, to get tipsy and talk about how to save the world. They serve out-of-this-world food, and I can't wait to get some tomorrow.
Yes. In my boredom, all I think about is food. Go on, gimme a job, you know you want to...
My thoughts are still pretty much all over the place. I can't decide whether I want to try to ground myself here for a good while, and allow myself to feel that home IS home again, or if I want to keep imagining myself out of here as soon as possible. There are good and bad things to both. Part of wants nothing more than to get my house back, get a new points card for Canonmills Tesco's, cook for friends, get to liking wine again, and not really looking beyond the cosy confines of the Ed. The other part of me keeps clicking onto friend's blogs in Africa, Canada, the US, Australia and yes of course, Japan, and thinking that THAT out there is where I want to be.
I saw Heinz the other day, and it was so so good to see him. For those not in the know (um pretty much everyone reading, I guess), Heinz was my Uni professor, and I have the biggest amount of respect for him. He once again pleaded with me to come back to the department (I said that it would always be on my mind, but knew that it would be a long long time before I could do that), and then asked me why I didn't just go into teaching. And you know, he's right. Why DON'T I just go into teaching? Well, for one thing, you can't and shouldn't JUST go into teaching. I think to be a teacher, you have to have this thirst for it. I maybe had that at one point, but not now. At least not yet now. But teaching is something I have done, something I can do, and something that, given a proper course in it, I think I could do well. So I guess it's an avenue of thought I have to visit.
I am feeling frustrated with life at the moment, and something needs to change.